Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sandbox post

Just mucking around. Seeing if this thing still works.

Seems it does.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The new Lady Voldemort

My daughter has taken a liking to the Harry Potter films, somewhat disturbingly favouring Voldemort as a character highlight.

She particularly likes the final scenes of the first film, where Voldemort reveals himself from the back of Professor Quirrell's head.

She calls this 'Lady Voldemort', possibly because the Dark Lord is hidden under a carefully constructed turban which Quirrell unwraps to reveal his deformed master.

The Lady Voldemort sounds more like some kind of feminine hair removal product than a devastating oppressor of free magicians.

"Thanks to my new Lady Voldemort, unsightly moustaches are now a thing of the past!"





Thursday, December 1, 2011

Friday, May 28, 2010

3D Socceroos add a new dimension to their game

The game and associated foul weather may have been located at the MCG, but Monday night's clash between the Socceroos and New Zealand’s All Whites did mark an important technical milestone, becoming the first football game in Australia to be played entirely in 3D.

Previously soccer has been strictly a two dimensional experience, with play restricted to a flat plane in which players have height and width, but no depth.


However manufacturers have recently introduced a series of new 3D televisions, thereby encouraging FIFA to amend the laws of the game to allow for three dimensional play.

Players and spectators were amazed by the new third dimension – the “z-axis” as it is becoming known.

“It will take a while to get used to,” said Australian goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer.

“Previously as a keeper I only had to worry about judging the height of the ball. Now I have two factors to assess. I let in a cheap goal early because the ball turned out to be heading for the opposite side of the goal from where I was standing.”

Spectators at the MCG were similarly awed. “I had a seat in something called the ‘front row’,” said long time Socceroos fan Ken Robertson. “It was amazing. When the ball went out of play on my side of the field, I felt like I could just reach out and touch it. So I did.”

However Robertson did concede there was a downside to the new 3D system. “When the players are on the other side of the field, they look really small and are quite hard to see. You need some kind of special glasses to see them,” he said.

Sony has since confirmed that it will shortly release a new product called “Binoculars” to counter this problem.

FIFA is hoping that the upgrade to three dimensions will bring a new excitement to the world game and boost viewing numbers for the World Cup.

“We hope that players and teams everywhere will embrace the z-axis and use it to make the game even more exciting and vibrant,” said FIFA President Sepp Blatter.

And it seems some teams may be doing just that, with rumours abounding that the Brazilian national team is experimenting with a new tactic called “wingers” which would involve the team trying to advance the ball along the sides of the pitch in order to confuse or disorientate its opponents.

However not everyone believes that the change is a positive for the game.

“It’s a gimmick and nothing more,” said former England captain Bobby Charlton.

“Everyone seems to be obsessed with high scoring games these days. The 1966 World Cup Final was one of the greatest games of football of all time, and that was played in two dimensions and in black and white.”

“I can accept that the introduction of colour was useful for telling teams apart, but this just seems to be about selling people more expensive televisions,” said Charlton.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Rudd delivers knockout blow to Cup hopes

Victory for the Airline Socceroos in next month's World Cup now seems virtually assured following a rousing speech to the squad from renowned football obsessive, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

Visiting the training ground where the team was preparing for a forthcoming friendly with the Waikato Reserves (playing in the World Cup as 'New Zealand' ) Rudd drew upon all his reserves of Churchillian oratory to implore leading stars like Mark Schwarzer and Tim Cahill to "enjoy the experience" and "listen to what Pim says".

"The nation's hopes are all on your shoulders. So, no pressure," said Rudd, delivering one of his razor sharp quips that resulted in a group of assistant coaches falling on the ground holding their sides.

The PM then also delivered an exhaustive appraisal of the Socceroos' draw, noting with keen insight that Germany would be a "difficult opponent".

Mark Bresciano appeared to be particularly enraptured with Rudd's speech although it was later revealed he had successfully wagered that Rudd would say "And you know what?" at least three times during the speech.

Tim Cahill, who like most of the squad seemed to be looking closely at his boots for most Rudd's talk, was generous in his praise for his country's leader.

"When I step up to take a penalty at this World Cup" he said, "I know my first and only thought will be of Kevin watching the game The Lodge with his complementary Socceroos scarf tied around his head."

Monday, June 2, 2008

Euro 2008 prepares for B-grade hooligan influx

Police in Austria and Switzerland are bracing themselves for a relaxed and trouble-free European Championships following the failure of England, Scotland and their maruading band of mindless hooligans to qualify for attendance.

Despite initial fears that English fans might turn up to games anyway in the hope of a bit of "violence by osmosis" and the lack of anything better to do with their summer holidays, the Austrian defence ministry said today that the greatest fear for their personnel was having to share a drink or two with German fans in Vienna's town square.


In other Euro 2008 news, Italy's hopes of winning the tournament were dealt a blow on Monday with the loss of centre-back Fabio Cannavaro with a serious knee injury. The defender collapsed in a heap at training after a challenge from a teammate but was not treated for more than half an hour.


It transpired that medical staff and teammates has assumed that Cannavaro was practising one of the team's many diving and injury feigning drills and it was only his lack of agonised screams and failure to roll around on the ground that alerted the team doctor to the fact that he actually was injured.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Denton to jocks: "Fear the man with the glasses"

With a few drips of Wayne Carey's blood dripping from his teeth, bespectacled nerd poster-boy Andrew Denton was tonight celebrating another triumph of brains over brawn.

Denton subjected Carey to the television equivalent of a root canal without anaesthetic on his highest-rating Enough Rope show to date.

Equipped with neither a basic sense of self-awareness nor the verbal arsenal to defend the indefensible, Carey was left squirming and stammering under Denton's razor sharp questioning; and late in the 2 hour interrogation the former North Melbourne champion was left to suffer the ultimate indignity - listening to a clip of Derryn Hinch.

The irony of Denton's triumph was not lost on the host who said, 'Sure if we met down a dark alley, Wayne would have ensure that most of my organs were left on the outside of my body. But I always knew that after many girl-friend free years and evenings alone reading Patrick White, one day I'd get a legendary jock on the rack and make him suffer an atomic television wedgie!”

Denton suggested that while Carey had found the lengthy interview with him painful, he would probably find a lengthy jail term bunking in with Kevin ‘Bubba’ Smith at Florida State Prison even more so.